Change and uncertainty are big parts of life. Recovery can also bring these two parts of life into sharp focus. Getting sober is a huge change that sets you on a path toward a lot of other changes—though you don’t always know what they will be or how life will look.
According to the Stages of Change model[1], you’re changing even before you get sober. The “contemplation” phase is when you’re thinking about cutting back or quitting, without necessarily doing anything different.
You can be in this phase a long time; I was in it for several years before I got sober. This model shows us that change is occurring the moment we start thinking differently, even if nothing in our life has changed yet.
Staying Present With Discomfort in Recovery
Whether you’re preparing to get sober, getting through the uncertainty of early recovery, or in long-term recovery and coping with a big life change, there are ways to get through. Meditation and mindfulness have helped me learn to sit with some uncomfortable feelings, and uncertainty can be a very uncomfortable feeling.
When you meditate, you allow your thoughts and feelings to exist without judgment and gently try to bring yourself back to the present. The ability to stay present is so important when you’re coping with uncertainty, because the whole point is that you can’t know what will happen; you have to learn to take things as they come, which is a skill. Discomfort with uncertainty or change is often about fear of the future.
According to the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, “Research participants who were told that they had a 50% chance of receiving a painful electric shock felt far more anxious and agitated than participants who believed they were definitely going to receive the shock.”[2] Uncertainty and anxious anticipation can cause suffering.
In moments of intense anxiety, square breathing can be helpful. This is when you breathe in for a slow count of four, hold for four, breathe out for a slow count of four, and then hold for four again. When you calm your breathing, it sends a message to your brain that you are not in danger. Another way to let go of stress is to intentionally clench muscles that feel tense, hold, and then release.
Remember that change is not only part of life, but that it is often good. For instance, getting sober is changing your entire life to let in more joy, calm, honesty, connection, and so much more.
If you are struggling with a substance use or mental health disorder, there is hope. TruHealing Centers offers high-quality treatment for addiction and mental health disorders in facilities across the country. Our staff—many of whom are in recovery themselves—will help you build the skills to cope with any challenge sober. Call an admissions specialist at 410-593-0005.
[1] https://www.verywellmind.com/the-stages-of-change-model-of-overcoming-addiction-21961
[2] https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/seven_ways_to_cope_with_uncertainty
